Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Rending Your Heart

Posted: June 21, 2016 in Uncategorized

and rend your hearts and not your garments.” Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love; and he relents over disaster. (Joel 2:13)

The Israelites have broken away from the faith, forsaking God and His ways. For decades they have done what is right in their own eyes. Nobody sought God. But the Lord sought them, and is now calling them to repentance.

We too have broken away. We too have been lost. We too have neglected the way for far too long. Render your hearts broken before God because of your sins. Acknowledge that you have stepped away from His path. Rend your hearts and not your garments. Be truly broken inside–do not hide behind religious pretense. As James puts it, “Be wretched and mourn and weep” (James 4:9). For only then can Gods mercy and forgiveness be showered upon you. The Lord is gracious to those who humble themselves before Him. Repent.

I thank You for Your wonderful grace, Lord. Do not ever let me take it for granted.

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Red Apples

Posted: June 15, 2016 in Uncategorized

I knew what I wanted all along: big, bright red apples. Vendors of all kinds of fruits passed by me all the time, and each time I ask them, “Do you have big, bright red apples?”

“No, but I have fresh oranges instead,” said the first one to pull her cart by.

I smiled politely and said, “No, thank you. I’m looking for red apples.” All day long, several others walked passed, offering to sell fruits. And each time, I asked them for red apples. Some had mangoes to offer, some grapes. One even had green apples to sell. But I knew I was looking for red apples, and that no other fruit would seem right to buy.

Finally, an old lady pushing her cart came by, and I saw what I’ve been looking for: big, bright red apples. I excitedly asked her for it. “Miss, how much would you ask for these red apples?” She gave her price, and I took out a bill.

She paused, looked at what I’m giving her, and slowly shook her head. “I have no change for that yet,” she said. While still debating in my head on where I could find a smaller bill, the lady pushed her cart and started to walk away. Soon, she was gone.

I was puzzled. Was she gone for good? Or would she be back to give me my red apples once she had enough change for my bill? A part of me thought I should just wait around until she comes back. But a part of me also thought I should give up on the red apples altogether and just crawl back to bed and sleep. Because what if other buyers along the way had already bought her apples? Those were really good fruits. A part of me thinks waiting for it is futile. But I couldn’t know for sure.

Letting Go

Posted: March 26, 2016 in Uncategorized

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Love is Perfectly Beautiful

Posted: March 12, 2016 in Uncategorized

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“Love is Perfectly Beautiful” (2/28/16)

Whenever someone would ask me why I’ve never had a boyfriend, my answer usually rests along the lines of, “I didn’t want to, I’ve no intentions of ever having one”; or “I’m still waiting for that right kind of guy.” Or perhaps the most grade-conscious kind of response, “I’ve no time for romance—studies first.”

And whenever a guy tries to make a move on me anywhere near that direction, I would always shun him away. Tell him I have my priorities, and romance isn’t one of them. Or sometimes when I feel like being mean, I would even say, “Hey dude, you don’t fit into my standards.” But the thing is, these answers are merely excuses. Well, yes, at surface level they may be reasons. But none of them is the deep-rooted cause.

The truth is, I see romantic relationships as something very much desirable, something everyone should consider as the best gift one could ever receive. You see, I esteem romance very, very highly. I think having a lifetime partner is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to me—the only thing better than a night of star-gazing and high-powered binoculars at the rooftop with burger and pizza at hand.

And this is exactly why, I am afraid of it. Now perhaps you would wonder, how could someone be afraid of something so grand, so beautiful, so desirable? The truth is, I’m afraid of it because I know myself—I’m too flawed. I’m not the prettiest girl ever, not the smartest student, not the kindest person, not the best listener, nor the strongest woman. I’m not the ideal person to have a relationship with. I am, in fact, the very foil character of it. I am a little too impatient, a little too awkward. Too imperfect. Too flawed.

I often tell people that I have no desires for relationships, but the truth is, I perceive love as something so perfect—like a circle drawn with a compass, a line drawn with a fixed ruler. A dress made with all the exact measurements. A picture painted with all the rightful colors. Perfect. And I’m afraid of it simply because I know I am far from perfection. I’m afraid of it because I know that love is the king’s royal table, and I am a mere bondservant meant to serve them. That it is that VIP ticket to my favorite singer’s concert, and I am simply a beggar sweeping the streets. That it is that eat-all-you-can to Viking’s buffet, but I—I could only afford the fast-food 39ers.

I’m just… Not enough for it. I’m not pretty enough, not smart enough, not kind enough, not good enough. I think that love is that beautiful flickering of a flame that could give me the warmth, but I’m simply not fireproof. That it is a set of such wonderful diamond jewelry, and they’re simply not meant for me.

So perhaps next time, when you hear my answers on this topic again, perhaps you’d get to see past all the artificial superiority and see the real reason behind all the excuses. For me love is too perfectly beautiful, and I’m not.

Trust

Posted: February 27, 2016 in Uncategorized

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Listener

Posted: February 26, 2016 in Uncategorized
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Listener

I may not be the most comforting and affirming listener. But I do listen with great care, attentive to every word you say, remembering them well, remembering you well, as I say my prayers.

I Am Sad

Posted: February 24, 2016 in Uncategorized
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(2/12/16)

I’m not angry at you. I’m just sad that I always have to fall victim of your limitations. I’m sad because things cannot always work out between us. I’m sad because you cannot have the same varying perspective as I do. I’m sad because we can’t really meet halfway, because we aren’t simply cut out for each other.

I’m not angry. But I am sad—because things always get hampered, because progression is always hindered by your linear perspective. I’m sad because every time we seem to get along, differences you cannot handle would always arise. And really, I’m sad because I’m just tired of hoping that someday, everything would just work out for us. That someday you would understand me the same way I understand you. But I guess I should stop hoping for that someday. Because just as snow cannot fall on the hottest day of summer, just as fire cannot really mix well with water, tomorrow won’t ever come. Every time I’d wake up in the morning, it would always be today. Today when you are too blind, too oblivious, too uncaring. Today when you and I can never really mix, when you can never really understand.

I’m sad, yes. But I understand. It’s not like you could’ve helped it. It’s not like you could’ve tried just a little to understand people’s differences. It’s not like you can pause for a little while before labelling others to be undeserving of you. It’s not like every time you think someone should be cast out from your sight, you can step back and try to see these people as a whole and not in parts. It’s not like you could help it.

But you know what? Actually, you can. You could’ve chosen to go a little out of your comfort zone, so people can reach out to you. You could’ve broken that barrier between us. You could’ve tried to understand that differences. But you chose simply not to. And for that I am sad.