Archive for December, 2018

Just Passing By

Posted: December 8, 2018 in Uncategorized

He always wanted to make me watch his Minecraft-inspired animation videos. The first time he told me, “Ate panoorin mo tong ginawa kong video,” I very enthusiastically tried to understand what Minecraft was and the concepts behind. I had to spend a lot of future 20 minutes watching cool animation videos I did not get nor understand. But still cool.

I never regretted watching those videos for him, even if the only “insights” I could give were, “Nice!” or “Good job!” or even “Ang galing mo na.”

He said he didn’t know exactly what course he wanted to take yet, not because he didn’t want to be anything in particular, but because he wasn’t sure if a “professional Youtuber” ever needed to finish college.

I told him he could take Entrepreneurship, and jokingly added, “Tapos mag teacher ka ng ABM.” He told me, “Pwede rin na teacher.”

I guess he’s teaching me lessons way more than any other ABM teacher ever could.

He would always, always wear my clothes. His favorite blouse to wear–because he’s too lazy to find his own shirts when at home–was my statement blouse that says, “She is clothed in strength and dignity.” And sometimes when I go home and see him with that blouse on, he would snicker and just guiltily say, “Wala na kong makitang damit ko eh.”

Today, it was my turn to fit into the clothes we would buy for him for the last time. As I slipped into the coat and slacks, I thought he would really look dignified with these. As I tried on the white long sleeves, I found myself thinking, maybe I’d want an identical one for myself, too. It would be my favorite polo to wear.

He would always find excuses for his not studying in school. He would laughingly tell me, “Hindi naman nagtuturo mga teachers eh,” or “Eh pumapasa naman ako kahit hindi ako nag-aaral eh.”

So I struck a deal with him–monetary compensation for better class performance. This year, I saw him get excited and hyped up with school and taking notes (he hates taking notes) and showing me his card.

Looking back now, I wish I doubled up the prizes. He really tried his best, gave all-out efforts.

I guess that 500-for-every-90 is one project off my quarterly budget. But I’m in high hopes that he is now in possession of a treasure far greater than any I could ever give him.

I’ve always asked and even toughly pressured him about his spiritual state. He would always just keep silent, but at one point he answered me with, “How can a dead man know when he’s going to be alive? How can someone pray for life when he’s dead?”

And I’ve always been waiting to hear him say something poetic like, “The dried bones that I am now have flesh and blood and life. Ate, I am no longer dead, but am alive in Christ.”

I guess I have to be content with hearing from Kuya that in his last conscious hours Calvin said, “I am saved.” That as he was having his last moments, the way he asked for his last damp of water to his lips was, “I thirst, like Christ.”

I guess I would have to read in between those four words what could have been the poetic. “I thirst, like Christ. I thirst, to be like Christ.”

I ordered a rainbow-colored cutlery set for him this Christmas because I wanted to tease him slash give him something he can really use every day. And also so that his classmates can’t steal the set from him because it’s gonna be a unique set and they can’t claim it, because who else would get a rainbow-colored spoon and fork?

I guess that’s one item off my cart tonight. I’m in high hopes that now he’s got a golden (or something better beyond human knowledge) set instead, and dining with my All-loving, All-wise Heavenly Father.

He used to always ask me to taste his new experimental food for dinner, eat some of the cookies he bought from the local bakery, check out his doodles in the sketch pad I gave him, and with those twitched, almost smiling lips he would share his new joys of drawing (and animation) concepts.

I’m in high hopes that now he is sharing a joy far more glorious than any doodle, or animation video, can give him, with beings far more glorious and heavenly than anyone here on earth. That he is now in the bosom of my Father who has so sovereignly and lovingly foreordained everything in eternity past.

All of us are just passing by. Some just finish the transitory journey faster than usual. Calvin did, and peacefully and quietly so.