Archive for June, 2015

I Have Found Love

Posted: June 22, 2015 in Poems
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I’ve once roamed in many wastelands
and wandered in many wildernesses
in search for all clues and answers
to the question most unsettling.

I traveled far and wide for it,
inquiring from every kingdom.
‘Midst all the conflicting concepts,
which, I ask, is true about love?

Some say one, some say another.
It’s all heartache, says the pessimist;
we need it not, says the feminist,
but for romantics it’s all bliss.

Many would say it’s plain emotion,
and scientists claim it’s brain reaction.
Yet for Catholics it may be charity,
and for Hindus it may be duty.

But only when I went to the holy place
did I discern its real meaning.
Only when I heard God’s blessed word
did I find out–love’s so much deeper.

It isn’t that topsy-turvy romance
the young people usually describe.
It isn’t the skipping of heartbeat,
nor the fluttering of the stomach.

But it’s the Father sending salvation
to those who once rebelled against Him.
It’s the Son descending on humble earth
to wash His people’s feet.

Love–it’s Christ gathering lost souls to Him,
teaching them ever patiently the way;
knowing fully all their darkest thoughts
yet still bearing their flaws perfectly.

I have searched far and wide for the truth
and now have been confronted by it.
But as I try to grasp it fully, I knew:
it is too high. I cannot attain it.

It transcends all of human wisdom,
it evades my very knowledge.
It’s something I’d never even deserve,
and yet, somehow, I’ve completely owned it.

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Plaintive

Posted: June 21, 2015 in Uncategorized

This blog looks too plaintive.

I shall try to do something about it.

“Tangent”

Posted: June 21, 2015 in Poems
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Tangent.jpg

She walks across the lawn
just as he steps out of it.
She enters the classroom
just as he was leaving it.

He sees her stand up and leave
just as he reaches the table.
One moment, he says hi to her
but then she says bye soon after.

Then their eyes meet for a fraction-second,
they both smile for a brief moment.
And then she walks on, alone,
and so does he with his own crowd.

They are two realms apart,
two figures on different surfaces,
never meeting save for an instance—
a tangent amidst the vast stretch of planes.

Going On Circles

Posted: June 16, 2015 in Poems
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First, there was silence.
Then you would cross the line–
from strangers, we would be acquainted.
You’d say hi, how you doing.
You’d smile, you’d joke around.
You’d make me grow fond of you.
Like you. Admire you.
Eventually, fall for you.
And when all is said and done for me
you would retreat.
Grow cold. Drift away.
Walk out of my life.
You’d show me I’ll never be good enough.
And then you’d leave me there, hanging.
Just like that.
And I’d be miserable. Broken.
I’d deem myself irreparable.
Until another one like you comes along
and the cycle goes on again.

Silver Lining (6.12.15)

Posted: June 13, 2015 in Prose
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For her, it was a night to remember. A silver lining in the midst of tempestuous gales and dark storms. For him, it was a night he was willing to relive, over and over. A moment he was ready to turn into a time loop, had he been given the power.

She could still remember how she slipped into that red velvet as if it was a black mourning robe. She remembered the silver stilettos making every step prick with pain just as every breath she took stabbed her heart. Before it even all began, she knew. It was the night when the world would slap her into reality: she was alone, from the time she entered the world-stage up until the time she would waste away from the life-play. It was a night to bear patiently, and then be buried deep into nothingness with all the other forgotten memories.

He was in all black, yet it could have been pastel by the way his eyes shined. As he fixed his tie, he smiled ever so contentedly. This would be a night to spend with the loveliest woman; a night to cherish, to embed in one’s memory forever. Or so he told himself. As a fleeting thought came to mind, his eyes dimmed ever so slightly, his smile faded quite subtly. Nobody noticed, not even him.

She entered the battlegrounds with her head held high, but with her heart breaking at every smile. Hi, people greeted. You look so gorgeous, they complemented. It didn’t matter. None of them meant what they said. She settled to be the night’s wallflower. She walked to the far end corner and there she intended to stay with a glass of wine to keep her company. From there she saw him, happily talking to his girl. His girl was beautiful, probably more so for him. She smiled sadly and looked away from the scene.

He just entered Paradise with his angel, who was wearing an elegant blue. He looked at her, and did not wonder why he was held captive. She was his angel, the one who saved him from himself. The only person in the world that reigns in his heart. Or so he kept telling himself. She talked on, he nodded and smiled, but kept scanning the room—slowly, carefully. Then at the corner of his eye he saw her. Alone. With a glass of wine in her hand. Smiling to everyone who passed by, but sadly so. Are you okay, his angel asked. Yes, of course, I am, he smiled and kissed her, but he felt hollow. He was with the love of his life, and yet… Why was he yearning to be at the far end corner?

Though she turned away, the image still burned inside. She saw him, with the woman he loved; they were perfectly happy. She was just a blurred figure in their everlasting picture. A voice called out to her from that direction. She didn’t turn. She couldn’t—her heart might shatter into a thousand pieces if she would have to look a second time. But the voice called out again. She sighed and dared a glance.

He couldn’t rationalize, not this time. He swam through the people and reached out to her, leaving his angel, approaching his probable doom. But he didn’t care. He couldn’t just watch the plaintiveness of this girl’s eyes. And he could no longer silence the beating of his own heart. Just as she turned, he took her hand, soft and slightly trembling.

Dance with me, she heard him say. She flushed pink and thought she dreamed of it, but seconds after he still stood there. Her head was still reeling—just from wine, probably, but why take effect right after he came? She didn’t care anymore. This time, her logic lost. Be it or not a fancy, it was a moment worth living. She let him guide her, as a moth is led to the lovely fire.

He glided with her through the golden dance floor. His heart was soaring, dancing with such joy. He smiled at her. What are you doing, keeping your beauty and elegance all to yourself, he asked her. She laughed a little. It was music to his ears. I don’t think anybody wanted it, she had said. But I do, he uttered before he could stop himself. She smiled at him, confusion evident in her eyes.

The harm for her was done. She knew he didn’t mean any of it; that he was just making her feel a little better by giving left-over compliments. She knew her place. She was but a dog, begging for scraps under the table. Yet he being the master gave a little too generously, and suddenly she was yearning for so much more.

But the music had stopped. Neither of them wanted it to, but it did. It ended. Slowly she smiled and gently pulled away. He was reluctant, but he let her go. With glistening eyes, she whispered, Thank you. Then she smiled once more, genuinely this time. I think you should now go back to her, she told him and added, you are such a great friend. She just wished they could be so much more.

He kissed her hand ever so lightly. He told her, don’t thank me. You gave me the best friendship I’ve ever had. But as he walked away, his heart was crying out, if only we could be so much more.

For her, it was a night to remember, despite all the pain. It all evened out. It was her silver lining. Her calm amidst the fatal storm. For him, it was the night of real happiness. He made it his own time loop. But the silver lining soon faded, the storm broke out, and the moment was lost forever.